The 10 Worst Things to Say to Someone Getting Divorced
Understanding the Emotional Impact of Divorce: Words That Hurt and How to Offer Genuine Support
Everything happens for a reason
I knew this wouldn’t last
At least you don’t have kids
You’ll find someone better
Why didn’t you try harder
My divorce was worse
You’re better off without them
What really happened
At least you’re still young
You’ll be fine
-
1 / 10
Divorce is one of the most emotionally intense experiences a person can go through. Even when it’s the right decision, it often comes with grief, confusion, anger, guilt, fear, and a deep sense of loss. During this time, words matter more than most people realize.
Many well-meaning friends, relatives, or coworkers say things they believe are comforting or motivating—but end up causing more pain. Sometimes the damage isn’t obvious right away, but it lingers, making the person feel judged, misunderstood, or emotionally unsafe.
If someone you care about is going through a divorce, knowing what not to say is just as important as knowing what to say. Here are the 10 worst things to say to someone getting divorced—and why they can hurt more than help.
1. “Everything Happens for a Reason”
This phrase is often meant to offer comfort, but during a divorce, it can feel dismissive.
When someone is grieving the end of a marriage, telling them there’s a “reason” for their pain can sound like you’re minimizing their loss or suggesting they should already feel grateful for it.
Why it hurts:
It invalidates their emotions and pressures them to find meaning before they’re ready.
What to say instead:
“This is really hard. I’m sorry you’re going through this.”
2. “I Knew This Wouldn’t Last”
Even if you did suspect the marriage wouldn’t work, this is not the time to say it.
This comment can feel smug, judgmental, or even cruel—especially when the person is already questioning their past decisions.
Why it hurts:
It shifts the focus from their pain to your opinion and can trigger shame or regret.
What to say instead:
“I can’t imagine how difficult this must be for you.”
3. “At Least You Don’t Have Kids”
Divorce is painful whether children are involved or not. Saying this suggests their grief is somehow less valid.
For many people, the loss of shared dreams, routines, and emotional security is just as devastating as parenting challenges.
Why it hurts:
It minimizes their experience and compares pain instead of acknowledging it.
What to say instead:
“Your feelings are completely valid.”
4. “You’ll Find Someone Better”
This may sound hopeful, but it can land the wrong way.
Right after a divorce—or during one—many people are not thinking about dating again. They may still be deeply attached, emotionally exhausted, or not ready to imagine a future with someone else.
Why it hurts:
It can feel like you’re rushing them to “move on” before they’ve processed the loss.
What to say instead:
“Take all the time you need to heal.”
5. “Why Didn’t You Try Harder?”
This is one of the most damaging things you can say.
Divorce is rarely the result of one person not trying enough. This comment places blame and assumes you know the full story—which you almost never do.
Why it hurts:
It increases guilt and shame during an already vulnerable time.
What to say instead:
“I trust that you did what you thought was best.”
6. “My Divorce Was Way Worse”
Turning the conversation into a competition is never helpful.
Even if you’ve been through a divorce yourself, comparing experiences can make the other person feel unheard or invalidated.
Why it hurts:
It shifts the spotlight away from their pain and onto yours.
What to say instead:
“If you want, I can listen—or share my experience later.”
7. “You’re Better Off Without Them”
This might be true eventually—but timing matters.
When emotions are raw, the person may still love their partner or feel conflicted. Hearing this can feel like an attack on someone who was once deeply important to them.
Why it hurts:
It oversimplifies a complex emotional bond.
What to say instead:
“It’s okay to have mixed feelings about this.”
8. “So… What Really Happened?”
Curiosity is natural, but pushing for details can feel invasive.
Divorce often involves deeply personal issues—betrayal, finances, mental health, or trauma. The person may not be ready to talk about it, or may never want to.
Why it hurts:
It can make them feel exposed or pressured to explain themselves.
What to say instead:
“Share only what you’re comfortable with.”
9. “At Least You’re Still Young”
Age-based “silver linings” rarely help.
Whether someone is 30 or 60, divorce represents a loss of time, trust, and expectations. Being told they’re “young enough to start over” doesn’t erase that pain.
Why it hurts:
It dismisses the grief attached to years invested in the relationship.
What to say instead:
“What you’re feeling makes total sense.”
10. “You’ll Be Fine”
This phrase may sound reassuring, but it can feel hollow.
In the middle of emotional turmoil, “you’ll be fine” can sound like a command rather than comfort—implying they shouldn’t feel broken or overwhelmed.
Why it hurts:
It shuts down deeper conversation and emotional honesty.
What to say instead:
“I’m here for you, no matter how you’re feeling.”